Nate slept!

Nate hasn't been sleeping very well lately. His naps are regularly 30-40 minutes and it feels like he is starting to wake up more and more at night.  Although he will actually sleep in his crib, which is far beyond what our first baby would do, I'm not completely satisfied to wake up every 1 1/2-2 hours all throughout the night to nurse the little guy. We have his crib in our room so I don't have to walk down the hall 6 or more times a night every time he wakes up. Climbing out of bed, picking up the baby, and sitting in the chair for 15 minutes to nurse him, where I can't really even slouch or get comfortable starts to feel like torture when I have to do it over and over and over.

After a particularly grueling night, when Nate was waking way too often and then having to be held and bounced because his stomach couldn't settle, I decided it was time to start sleep training him and stop sharing rooms. As convenient as it was to have him close, maybe we were bugging him and I think I was too quick to respond to his every noise. I didn't want him to bug Tanner any more than necessary, so I would pick him up if I thought he was close to crying.  I think I was unintentionally forcing him to wake more by picking him up instead of helping him.

That morning I told Tanner about my bad experience and that I was planning to blow up the air mattress for Tanner and I to sleep on in the room next to Zoey. We would leave Nate and his crib in our room, down the hall from Zoey so as not to wake her when he cries. I was determined not to feed him till 4 hours after his bedtime feed.

He went down really easy that night around 8:30 after I nursed him at 8. He woke up at 9:30 and I let him cry for 5 minutes. He has been throwing up frequently, so I went to check on him expecting to do a quick clean up, but there was nothing. I picked him up and he kept crying for about a minute. Then he spit his binky out and was quiet, so I put him back in his crib. He just kept sleeping. Weird.

He didn't wake up till 3 1/2 hours later (11:30). Not quite the 4 hours I was hoping for, but also not the fight I was expecting. I was happy to feed him. When he woke up 2 1/2 hours after that, I was expecting a hellish night. I let him cry for 5 minutes and went to check on him again. I caved and nursed him. He fell right asleep and I went back to bed.

I woke up at 6am, went to look at the monitor to check on him and realized that the sound had been turned off and it was facing down. I wouldn't have noticed if it turned on when he cried. He was sleeping at the time, but I felt guilty not knowing if I slept through a crying spell that may or may not have happened during that 4 hours.  I shrugged, thought 'what can I do now?", and went back to sleep.  I was more aware from then on. Every time he peeped, I knew it, but I didn't go to him. I didn't need to. He never woke up.  Not till 8am. That's 6 straight hours of uninterrupted sleep for me, people!

When he woke in the morning, he just sat up on his elbows and looked around. He didn't cry out. He was all smiles when I went to him. If he did cry for 3 hours straight, (I don't think he did) he was holding no grudges. I am thrilled with our success. I am definitely encouraged to keep our training going.

To make things even better, he went down for his first nap 2 hours after he woke up and slept for 2.75 hours straight. He has not done that since he was a teeny baby. Go Nate.

Bye bye crib complete

I guess since I made the big girl bed a "thing" by writing about it when we first bought the bed, I will follow up. Even though it hardly seems like an event now.

 We ended up giving up on the bed for a month or two because Zoey was just nervous about it and it was taking a lot of convincing to make her even consider sleeping there. So it sat there in her room, across from her bed, empty for quite some time. It wasn't ever a problem with baby Nate because he slept on my chest for a couple of months, and later we put him on our pack n play mattress next to my bed.

About two weeks ago (Zoey is now 2 years and 3 months old) Tanner decided to have an activity where we took the sliding wall off of the crib to make it a day bed. Zoey thought it was kinda cool. And we were now a lot more confident that she wouldn't fall off. When night came, naturally, she got nervous. Tanner was quick to remind her what one of her favorite TV characters, Daniel Tiger, sings, "when we do something new, let's talk about what we do." She was happy for the reminder and they talked about how now she can get out of her own bed in the morning instead of having to wait for mom or dad to come get her out. She slept the whole night, no problem. And every night after that.

Close to a week after, I decided to move the whole crib into my room after her nap was over. She helped me unassemble and reassemble the crib to get it through the doors.  Tanner took her to her "go go bed" (big girl bed) that night and they talked about it. No fight. Maybe a little nervousness.  But no problem. She just slept and has been doing great ever since.

What a night and day difference this experience was compared to all other sleeping experiences when she was a baby. Even in the couple of months from the time we bought the bed to now; she has matured so much. For us it was all about timing.

Welcome Baby Nate

Nathan James Cox was born at 8:00AM on April 27, 2015. We call him Nate.

We had scheduled a c-section because of the complications and failure to progress with the last pregnancy.  It was weird, but very comforting and convenient to know his birthday before the day actually arrived.  That alone took away a lot of the suspense and anxiety with giving birth.

 I was very nervous because giving birth to Zoey was simply hell. And the recovery afterward wasn't a whole lot better.  I remember feeling kind of panicky as we got ready for bed the night before Nate was born. I slept so terribly that night though because the baby was hurting me trying to push his head down and his feet up into my ribs. By the time morning came, I was ready for whatever it took to get him out of my body.

My mom stayed the night at our house, so Tanner and I left Zoey sleeping in her crib as we headed for the hospital. 15 minutes later, at 6AM, we were checking in to labor and delivery.

It was weird how calm everyone was. I put on my gown, the nurse put my IV in and just sat and talked to us for a while, asking about my medical history and whatnot. The anesthesiologist came in to tell us about the spinal tap and what he would be doing.  Then the ob came to say hi too.  When everything was all set up, they just walked me into the operating room.

 I sat on the table, had a couple pokes in my back, felt my legs go numb, and proceeded to lay down on my back, with help of course.  Soon, my doctor came in and they draped the blue sheet in front of my face. There I was: naked, but warm, comfortably uncomfortable; having a baby without even knowing it.

Most feeling was gone, but a little bit of a tugging sensation in my abdomen, which to me, felt kind of like baby kicks

It is so surreal to me. There were about 15 other people there hanging out in the OR. Some were helping with the surgery, handing instruments and stuff. Some were just waiting for their turn to take care of the baby.  Still though, everyone was so calm and quiet.  No franticness or even excitement.  It was just like a regular day at the office for them.  I could hear the doctor talking about his weekend.  I thought it was so bizarre.  Later, when they were stitching me back together, I realized the anesthesiologist was being really quiet, just sitting there by my head.  I asked him,  "whacha doin?" He was apparently just texting! Answering a question about another patient, he said.  No worries, just hanging out as if we were at the park roasting marshmallows together or something. 180¤ turn around from the painful, chaotic, tramatic birth we experienced with Zoey. I almost wish I could do it again. No. But I would watch it if there was a recording.

Somewhere in the middle of all this, they lift gross, purply, goobered, perfect, crying Nate over the blue sheet for me see for about 3 seconds.

Then they take him over to the side of the room (where I could still see) to wash him off and weigh him. When he was clean, they brought him over to lay on my chest while they finished sewing my insides.

He wasn't even crying by then.  The whole experience was amazing! After, they wheeled me, baby in arms, to a room to recover for an hour.

This is when Tanner's mom, my mom, and Zoey came in to see us.  I was worried that I would be too loopy or in too much pain immediately after the surgery to really interact with them, but that was not the case. Although super itchy from the morphine, I was a regular person, just without a baby inside me anymore.

I was thrilled when Zoey came running in with grandma all jumpy and chipper as ever. I had been nervous about how she would react to waking up with someone new; Tanner and I not being there at all.  She was a champ throughout the whole thing though.  Apparently she would get sad when they would have to leave the hospital without me for nap or bedtime, but other than that, I think she was pretty good.  She has been and still is obsessed with her little brother.  She always wants to hold him. She's always trying to share her food with him. And she's always trying to climb into the pack n play where he sleeps during the day in our living room.

Nate is the perfect baby.  I don't know how we got so lucky. He is almost always content. He's cried only a handful of times in his whole life and that includes his first cry out of womb and the four times they had to poke him for his jaundice test.  He was a little yellow, but it's going away on its own without having to have a light treatment.  We're happy he's here with us now.  And I'm happy I don't have to share my body as living space anymore.

Oh by the way, he was born weighing 7lbs 11oz and was 20 1/2 in long. He's still very tiny.

Bye bye crib part 2

Wednesday day 8: Zoey slept in her crib again last night. When I took her up for her nap and started to put her in her crib, she wiggled and whined in my arms and said, "crib, bed, diffent." She's a little confused about the names right now, but after clarifying, I knew she didn't want to nap in her crib.  I told her ok, but that she has to stay in bed. I told her that if she climbs out, I'm gonna put her in her crib.  She didn't try to climb out. She just laid there snuggled in her blanket til she fell asleep a couple minutes later and I snuck out of the room. She woke up an hour and a half later, turned off her heater and fan, and came downstairs all by herself. I really like the part where I don't have to go upstairs to get her out of her crib. By bedtime though, she didn't want to sleep in her bed. She wanted her crib. I wish I knew why.

*update*  Since March 10th (about 3 weeks ago and 3 weeks after her first night in her bed) I have documented that Zoey had slept the night in her bed 10 times and has taken 6 naps there. I'm thinking that she has done a couple more that I didn't get documented, but we'll go with that.  16 out of 46 sleep times, she slept in her big girl bed. We tried being strict about it for a couple of days; to just remove the choice to sleep in her crib and be very firm about staying in her bed, but that seemed to cause a lot of contention before falling asleep, which kind of defeats the purpose, so we backed off a little.  Lately we have been placing her straight in her bed without asking. Almost every time she will ask for her crib, but sometimes if we just ignore it and continue on, she won't push it or ask any more.  When she does push harder for the crib and tries to climb out of the bed, then we don't fight her.  We let her have her way; and she gets to sleep in her crib for the next few hours.

It may not be a quick fix, but that's not what we need right now.  I just want her to feel comfortable and safe. I think that once we stopped making it such a big deal and eased up on both Zoey and ourselves, the process went very smoothly. When Zoey willingly sleeps in her bed, she always stays there the whole time till morning or till she feels rested enough from her nap.  She doesn't fight me when I leave the room, and she wakes up happy. We have only done about 3 nights in a row at this point, but she is becoming more and more accustomed to this being a permanent thing.  I'm proud of her so far! Change can be very hard.

Feeling anxious about another birth

I'm just now remembering how awful the whole baby - having process is.  I'm afraid to do it again and have Zoey to deal with too.  I remember being in the hospital for 3 (was it 4?) days to recover from the surgery.  I had almost forgotten the swelling, the numbness, the bleeding, the constipation, the thirst, the pain, and the exhaustion that all came with the c-section.

It took everything out of me just to get out of bed to pee. I wouldn't be able to lift my own legs back into my bed. My legs were so heavy and numb and weak.

I remember trying to pump breast milk every two to three hours.  I really struggled at first; the machine didn't work like I was expecting.  They told me how important it was to wash it after every time I pumped, but how was I going to get in and out of bed and hobble all the way over to the sink that many times? It felt like by the time I would get my dead legs back into bed, it would be time to pump again. It is a good thing Tanner was there to help me with this many times. I should be better at that this time with the experience I now have, but there is still that awful schedule of not getting more than three hours of sleep at a time.

Then, Zoey was in the nicu downstairs with nurses to take care of her. I would make the very long journey down there a couple of times a day to nurse her and hold her. I remember staggering down my hall to the elevator, one arm clinging to my husband for support, the other desperately trying to keep my insides from falling out through this new 5 inch cut in my abdomen. The muscles that usually would have done that job were basically deteriorated by this time.  Not to mention, they had split right down the middle from the stress of trying to hold a nine pound baby. Oh, and of course, they too had been sliced apart to get that baby out. By the time I got downstairs to see my little angel, I could barely keep my eyes open. I would sit there with my baby in arms trying to rest enough to make the trek back upstairs to my bed.

Oh the exhaustion! But what I'm worried about this time is what we are going to do with Zoey.  She can't come to the hospital with us, especially not for 3 or 4 days.  There will be no nurses to care for her around the clock.  Not that I would want that anyway. I want Tanner to be home with her.  He knows her schedule, her routine, her tricks, and how to make her listen and calm down. He's her daddy.  But I want him to be there with me.  I guess we will have to find someone to replace him in one place or the other.

Those worries are all reserved for before we even bring the baby home.  What about after? I remember how I had to sleep in the reclining chair in our living room for about a week after the birth because I couldn't recline all the way onto my back due to the incision and stitches on my stomach. We will have to set up shop on the mainfloor for a while. I'm worried that I won't be able to go up and down the stairs to help get Zoey to bed and what not.  I'm worried that our schedule that we spent so much time perfecting will be thrown in the garbage.

And how will I keep everyone fed? I could barely eat enough nutrients and calories for myself when I was nursing Zoey in the beginning. How will I find the energy to feed four of us? I'm tired just thinking about it.

Speaking of tired; Do I even have to mention the sleepless nights to come? With a restless infant waking, crying, pooping, and nursing all throughout the night? Let's not. Let's just try to forget about that for now.

In fact, maybe I should just try to forget all of these things for now. The problems will inevitably arise; there's really no avoiding them. There will be pain, some hardship, and definitely change, but there will also be good.

Even with all of the craziness at the hospital those first few days of Zoey's life, I can't help but look back at the experience with sweetness in my heart, for they were just that, the first days of Zoey's life. Holding her in my arms, I felt something indescribable. Something so miraculous, I'm surprised my heart didn't explode. I know it will be amazing to hold my little man in my arms too. Maybe even so incredible that all the struggles will be made worth it.