Welcome Baby Nate

Nathan James Cox was born at 8:00AM on April 27, 2015. We call him Nate.

We had scheduled a c-section because of the complications and failure to progress with the last pregnancy.  It was weird, but very comforting and convenient to know his birthday before the day actually arrived.  That alone took away a lot of the suspense and anxiety with giving birth.

 I was very nervous because giving birth to Zoey was simply hell. And the recovery afterward wasn't a whole lot better.  I remember feeling kind of panicky as we got ready for bed the night before Nate was born. I slept so terribly that night though because the baby was hurting me trying to push his head down and his feet up into my ribs. By the time morning came, I was ready for whatever it took to get him out of my body.

My mom stayed the night at our house, so Tanner and I left Zoey sleeping in her crib as we headed for the hospital. 15 minutes later, at 6AM, we were checking in to labor and delivery.

It was weird how calm everyone was. I put on my gown, the nurse put my IV in and just sat and talked to us for a while, asking about my medical history and whatnot. The anesthesiologist came in to tell us about the spinal tap and what he would be doing.  Then the ob came to say hi too.  When everything was all set up, they just walked me into the operating room.

 I sat on the table, had a couple pokes in my back, felt my legs go numb, and proceeded to lay down on my back, with help of course.  Soon, my doctor came in and they draped the blue sheet in front of my face. There I was: naked, but warm, comfortably uncomfortable; having a baby without even knowing it.

Most feeling was gone, but a little bit of a tugging sensation in my abdomen, which to me, felt kind of like baby kicks

It is so surreal to me. There were about 15 other people there hanging out in the OR. Some were helping with the surgery, handing instruments and stuff. Some were just waiting for their turn to take care of the baby.  Still though, everyone was so calm and quiet.  No franticness or even excitement.  It was just like a regular day at the office for them.  I could hear the doctor talking about his weekend.  I thought it was so bizarre.  Later, when they were stitching me back together, I realized the anesthesiologist was being really quiet, just sitting there by my head.  I asked him,  "whacha doin?" He was apparently just texting! Answering a question about another patient, he said.  No worries, just hanging out as if we were at the park roasting marshmallows together or something. 180¤ turn around from the painful, chaotic, tramatic birth we experienced with Zoey. I almost wish I could do it again. No. But I would watch it if there was a recording.

Somewhere in the middle of all this, they lift gross, purply, goobered, perfect, crying Nate over the blue sheet for me see for about 3 seconds.

Then they take him over to the side of the room (where I could still see) to wash him off and weigh him. When he was clean, they brought him over to lay on my chest while they finished sewing my insides.

He wasn't even crying by then.  The whole experience was amazing! After, they wheeled me, baby in arms, to a room to recover for an hour.

This is when Tanner's mom, my mom, and Zoey came in to see us.  I was worried that I would be too loopy or in too much pain immediately after the surgery to really interact with them, but that was not the case. Although super itchy from the morphine, I was a regular person, just without a baby inside me anymore.

I was thrilled when Zoey came running in with grandma all jumpy and chipper as ever. I had been nervous about how she would react to waking up with someone new; Tanner and I not being there at all.  She was a champ throughout the whole thing though.  Apparently she would get sad when they would have to leave the hospital without me for nap or bedtime, but other than that, I think she was pretty good.  She has been and still is obsessed with her little brother.  She always wants to hold him. She's always trying to share her food with him. And she's always trying to climb into the pack n play where he sleeps during the day in our living room.

Nate is the perfect baby.  I don't know how we got so lucky. He is almost always content. He's cried only a handful of times in his whole life and that includes his first cry out of womb and the four times they had to poke him for his jaundice test.  He was a little yellow, but it's going away on its own without having to have a light treatment.  We're happy he's here with us now.  And I'm happy I don't have to share my body as living space anymore.

Oh by the way, he was born weighing 7lbs 11oz and was 20 1/2 in long. He's still very tiny.

Bye bye crib part 2

Wednesday day 8: Zoey slept in her crib again last night. When I took her up for her nap and started to put her in her crib, she wiggled and whined in my arms and said, "crib, bed, diffent." She's a little confused about the names right now, but after clarifying, I knew she didn't want to nap in her crib.  I told her ok, but that she has to stay in bed. I told her that if she climbs out, I'm gonna put her in her crib.  She didn't try to climb out. She just laid there snuggled in her blanket til she fell asleep a couple minutes later and I snuck out of the room. She woke up an hour and a half later, turned off her heater and fan, and came downstairs all by herself. I really like the part where I don't have to go upstairs to get her out of her crib. By bedtime though, she didn't want to sleep in her bed. She wanted her crib. I wish I knew why.

*update*  Since March 10th (about 3 weeks ago and 3 weeks after her first night in her bed) I have documented that Zoey had slept the night in her bed 10 times and has taken 6 naps there. I'm thinking that she has done a couple more that I didn't get documented, but we'll go with that.  16 out of 46 sleep times, she slept in her big girl bed. We tried being strict about it for a couple of days; to just remove the choice to sleep in her crib and be very firm about staying in her bed, but that seemed to cause a lot of contention before falling asleep, which kind of defeats the purpose, so we backed off a little.  Lately we have been placing her straight in her bed without asking. Almost every time she will ask for her crib, but sometimes if we just ignore it and continue on, she won't push it or ask any more.  When she does push harder for the crib and tries to climb out of the bed, then we don't fight her.  We let her have her way; and she gets to sleep in her crib for the next few hours.

It may not be a quick fix, but that's not what we need right now.  I just want her to feel comfortable and safe. I think that once we stopped making it such a big deal and eased up on both Zoey and ourselves, the process went very smoothly. When Zoey willingly sleeps in her bed, she always stays there the whole time till morning or till she feels rested enough from her nap.  She doesn't fight me when I leave the room, and she wakes up happy. We have only done about 3 nights in a row at this point, but she is becoming more and more accustomed to this being a permanent thing.  I'm proud of her so far! Change can be very hard.

Feeling anxious about another birth

I'm just now remembering how awful the whole baby - having process is.  I'm afraid to do it again and have Zoey to deal with too.  I remember being in the hospital for 3 (was it 4?) days to recover from the surgery.  I had almost forgotten the swelling, the numbness, the bleeding, the constipation, the thirst, the pain, and the exhaustion that all came with the c-section.

It took everything out of me just to get out of bed to pee. I wouldn't be able to lift my own legs back into my bed. My legs were so heavy and numb and weak.

I remember trying to pump breast milk every two to three hours.  I really struggled at first; the machine didn't work like I was expecting.  They told me how important it was to wash it after every time I pumped, but how was I going to get in and out of bed and hobble all the way over to the sink that many times? It felt like by the time I would get my dead legs back into bed, it would be time to pump again. It is a good thing Tanner was there to help me with this many times. I should be better at that this time with the experience I now have, but there is still that awful schedule of not getting more than three hours of sleep at a time.

Then, Zoey was in the nicu downstairs with nurses to take care of her. I would make the very long journey down there a couple of times a day to nurse her and hold her. I remember staggering down my hall to the elevator, one arm clinging to my husband for support, the other desperately trying to keep my insides from falling out through this new 5 inch cut in my abdomen. The muscles that usually would have done that job were basically deteriorated by this time.  Not to mention, they had split right down the middle from the stress of trying to hold a nine pound baby. Oh, and of course, they too had been sliced apart to get that baby out. By the time I got downstairs to see my little angel, I could barely keep my eyes open. I would sit there with my baby in arms trying to rest enough to make the trek back upstairs to my bed.

Oh the exhaustion! But what I'm worried about this time is what we are going to do with Zoey.  She can't come to the hospital with us, especially not for 3 or 4 days.  There will be no nurses to care for her around the clock.  Not that I would want that anyway. I want Tanner to be home with her.  He knows her schedule, her routine, her tricks, and how to make her listen and calm down. He's her daddy.  But I want him to be there with me.  I guess we will have to find someone to replace him in one place or the other.

Those worries are all reserved for before we even bring the baby home.  What about after? I remember how I had to sleep in the reclining chair in our living room for about a week after the birth because I couldn't recline all the way onto my back due to the incision and stitches on my stomach. We will have to set up shop on the mainfloor for a while. I'm worried that I won't be able to go up and down the stairs to help get Zoey to bed and what not.  I'm worried that our schedule that we spent so much time perfecting will be thrown in the garbage.

And how will I keep everyone fed? I could barely eat enough nutrients and calories for myself when I was nursing Zoey in the beginning. How will I find the energy to feed four of us? I'm tired just thinking about it.

Speaking of tired; Do I even have to mention the sleepless nights to come? With a restless infant waking, crying, pooping, and nursing all throughout the night? Let's not. Let's just try to forget about that for now.

In fact, maybe I should just try to forget all of these things for now. The problems will inevitably arise; there's really no avoiding them. There will be pain, some hardship, and definitely change, but there will also be good.

Even with all of the craziness at the hospital those first few days of Zoey's life, I can't help but look back at the experience with sweetness in my heart, for they were just that, the first days of Zoey's life. Holding her in my arms, I felt something indescribable. Something so miraculous, I'm surprised my heart didn't explode. I know it will be amazing to hold my little man in my arms too. Maybe even so incredible that all the struggles will be made worth it.

Mealtime struggles with a toddler

If you need to practice your patience, I have a really great exercise for you: try to teach a toddler to use utensils to eat. Zoey has been learning, trying, and practicing for months now and it still frustrates me. I cooked her a bowl of oatmeal today and she insisted, like always, on eating it all by herself. This would be fine if she could actually get the food to get mouth before turning the spoon and dumping it all over herself, the table, chair, and floor. She is stubborn about this particular thing.  If I try to explain to her that she has to keep the spoon facing upward on the way to her mouth, or heaven forbid try to show her, she freaks out and shakes the oatmeal filled spoon trying to get me to let go. I, in turn, trying to prevent a gigantic mess of splattered oatmeal in hair and on walls, hold on to the spoon even tighter, which, of course, makes her shake the spoon even harder. It's quite the struggle and it makes meal time last oh so long. Today tho, after 5 or 10 minutes of this patience practice, Zoey took a good spoonful of oatmeal, slowly brought it to her mouth, keeping her elbow up and her spoon facing the right direction the whole time and slipped it directly between her little lips without even a drop falling off. I praised her and told her to do it just like that again. To my surprise, she did do it just like that again! And again and again. Finally something clicked between her brain and her little muscles to complete the task like she has meant to. All of a sudden she was eating the whole bowl of oatmeal like a regular spoon user. Wahoo! I was so happy, I wanted to squeeze her.

It's hard to believe that all of the negative things I have felt over each meal time in the past few months were erased and made completely worth it by this couple of minutes of accomplishment of eating a bowl of oatmeal. I tell you though, it happened.  I don't even care about any of that anymore. I'm just a proud little mama. I was even more proud when I gave her noodles for lunch and she was still able to use the spoon to get them to her mouth. You never really know if something is a one time occurrence or if it will stick till the next time.  Today, I relish the joys of motherhood that outweigh the frustrations.

Bye bye crib

I want to write down the process we are going through as we transition Zoey out of her crib.  It might be interesting to look back on later when we are ready to try with another kid. Zoey is 21 months old now.  We bought a toddler bed that is low enough to the ground that she can climb in all by herself and it has a little railing on each side of her pillow so she doesn't fall of the bed.  It holds a crib size mattress. It is a used one that we found on the ksl classifieds; $40 for the bed and mattress.  We picked it up on Sunday and just let it be in her room for a couple of days.  She would climb onto it and get used to it when I was putting the laundry away or just doing whatever in her room during the day.

I thought we'd start with night time and get that established before I tried naps. She can see better for naps and I don't want her climbing out after a 20 minute snooze. Right now we've got a good thing going with naps where she goes down willingly and sleeps at least an hour and a half. I'm not in a hurry to mess that up. 

On Wednesday, day 1: Tanner put her in the new bed at bedtime. She snuggled in and didn't even act like anything was different.  She slept the whole night till 6:15am,  when she woke up and cried, "daddy, daddy, binky, binky." I think she was scared because she woke up in a new place. Tanner went in to her to try to coax her back to sleep for at least another hour.  She stood up like she would do in her crib and just cried, "get out!  Get out!" meaning that she wanted to get out of bed.  She didn't even realize that she could climb out of this one by herself.  Sadly, we didn't get that extra hour of also we are hoping for.

Day 2: I can't remember all that well. I guess because it was a couple of days ago and apparently nothing that noteworthy happened. I believe she slept like normal till 7ish, climbed out,  and came to cuddle with tanner in the morning.

Day 3: I checked the monitor at 5 and saw that she didn't have her blanket or binky which often means we will have an early morning when she realizes it. So I snuck into her room like a ninja, recovered her, and placed her binky very close to her hand so she could easily put it back in when she wanted. Just as I was closing the door behind me as I left, she saw me and started to cry for me to come sit by her as she fell asleep again. Dang! So I went back and sat on the floor next to her bed forever because I wanted her to be all the way asleep before I attempted to leave again.  This time I made a safe escape. The morning was pretty great tho. When she woke up at 7ish , she looked around and said, "bed, beddy, bed" in her happy, well rested voice.  She climbed out of bed and said, "Yay!" and went straight downstairs. She came back up about 5 or 10 minutes later,  said hi to tanner in bed and went back downstairs to watch a show on the tablet (cus she knows how to turn one on all by herself) for another quiet hour.  Can you believe it?! I didn't have to wake up with her and go entertain her.  She actually let us sleep without causing any trouble or whining or anything.  I felt a little guilty around 8 and went down to be with her anyway.

Day 4: Zoey woke up at 4:15 to realize she didn't have her blanket on anymore and her binky was lost. She screamed, "daddy, daddy!", (notice what a daddy's girl she is) hurried to climb out of bed, and ran to our room.  Tanner took her back to her room and lulled her back to almost - asleep.  But she noticed when he tried to leave the room and tried to climb out of bed again.  He ended up putting her in her crib so he could get away without her following him.  She didn't mind when he left after that.

Day 5: She has been cranky all day.  We had to put her in her crib to sleep tonight because she won't stay in her bed and had to cry for a minute before falling asleep.

Day 6: I tried to put her in her bed, but she stood up and begged for her crib.  I didn't feel the need to fight with her about it, so in the crib she went. She was happy to be there and laid down immediately.
Hmm.. Maybe she's not really ready to grow up in that way yet.  I wonder if the runny noise that started today has anything to do with it. Although I would love to not have to go get her out of her crib every morning, it's not worth it if we have to go in to her at 4am instead.  I'm okay with waiting a little longer. I'll just update as we go.