September 2, 2013
Today I am grieving my old life again. After a breakfast party with the Cox family, tanner went off with his brother and dad to play golf. I am a little upset, not just because I feel abandoned without any notice, but mostly because I so badly miss the old days when I could go out and do things. I knew I would miss the spontaneity of our lives. I knew we wouldn't be able to decide to go camping on a whim any more. But I didn't expect my whole life: likes, dislikes, emotions, and activities would be washed away completely into Zoey's life. My life is gone now, just peeking vaguely through her existence. I am sad about that. I wish I was able to go out with my friends at least, since I dont have sisters. Now I can't even let Zoey out of my arms without feeling anxious. I don't know what to do with free arms anymore. I guess I just feel like I don't have any balance in my life between work and play. I am just tired of my emotions, of being cooped up, of being the only one that can really care for Zoey.
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